I found myself in an internal debate today about fantasy.
I have a strong instinct to swing for the fences. To imagine myself as the most powerful, capable, expansive version of who I could be. To expect success. To refuse to shrink.
Yet the world often nudges us the other way. Keep your head down. Stay realistic. Don’t get ahead of yourself.
So the question I asked was simple: which version is more accurate? The modest, sensible one? Or the bold, expansive one? Which is actually true?
The uncomfortable answer is that both are available. You can choose the small script — earn your wage, stay in line, lower the ceiling. That path works. Or you can choose the version of yourself who builds, creates, leads, achieves what once looked impossible. That works too.
It brings me back to the Henry Ford line:
“If you believe you can or you believe you can’t, you’re right.”
Belief shapes behaviour. Behaviour shapes outcomes.
That connects to a model I’ve used for years: be, do, have.
Most people default to have, do, be.
If I had their wealth, looks, education, contacts — then I could do what they do. And then I would be successful or happy.
That structure feels logical. It’s also backwards.
Performance psychology, sports science, behavioural research — they all point the same way. Identity drives action. Action drives results.
It starts with be.
Choose who you are. Not in a magical-thinking way. Not “I’m a millionaire” while sitting on the sofa hoping the universe delivers a cheque. That’s fantasy dressed up as strategy.
Instead:
“I’m someone who creates original, valuable work and takes it to market.”
“I’m someone who keeps promises.”
“I’m someone who finishes what I start.”
Then Monday morning arrives. It’s grey. Energy is low. Fine. What does that person do today? They act in alignment with the identity they’ve chosen.
That’s the hinge point.
Dreaming alone changes nothing. Identity embodied changes behaviour. Behaviour compounds.
The “have” follows the “do,” which follows the “be.”
There’s a moment at the end of The Rocky Horror Picture Show where the line is sung: “Don’t dream it. Be it.” That lyric lands because it captures this perfectly. Imagination is powerful. Embodiment is transformative.
Fantasy becomes reality when it is lived.
You don’t manifest outcomes by staring at them. You step into the identity that produces them. Then you act. Then you repeat.
That’s the difference between wishing and building.
